Sing for Salvation

Your eyes are not deceiving you, dear reader, it is indeed I, returned to the Blogging realm once more…

Fantasy-esque narrative aside, I decided I would write a short update since it’s been quite a while since my last post. In some respects, much has and has not happened in my life since then. Towards the end of October, my eldest sister got married and moved into a new house with her husband. In mid-November, I started a part-time job (which became full-time about four-months-ago) and towards the end of December, I became a fully qualified car driver (getting my first car one-week-ago). To be honest, I wish I could say I’ve been sailing the seas, or taking to the skies, but I’m afraid I can’t.

At the moment, I am working in a bicycle warehouse/factory (the company sells bicycle and non-bicycle components as well as full-spec bicycles). My job currently is that of replenisher – in other words, I refill boxes in the warehouse with stock that customers have returned (provided the stock is in “resell-able” condition). Perhaps cynically, I have often viewed my job simply as, “Putting things into boxes” and (grandiose aside) that is, essentially, what my job entails. It is a job I have been doing for quite a few months. To be honest, at times it’s a pleasant job – it’s not “heavy” when it comes to pressure – in fact, if anything, it’s quite a laid-back job (that’s not to say that I’m lazy but that the job, at least in my opinion, is not mentally burdensome). However, saying that, while the job is not burdensome it is, more-often-than-not, boring. The work is so mundane that there are many times I find myself drifting away into other thought (I even heard one supervisor in another department describe my job to his workers as, “boring as Hell”; quite a contrast to Mark Twain who said, “Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company”!).

The reason I got the job was simple: one day while in town my Mum walked past a recruitment agency, went in, told the people about me and a few days later I then visited them for an “interview”. I am “employed” at the bicycle company as a temporary agency worker; in a sense, I do and I don’t work for the company: I do in the sense that I work in their facilities and wear company uniform; I don’t in the sense that my wages are ultimately paid (and determined) by the recruitment agency. When I first entered the job, I worked three nights a week – three and a half hours each night. After a few months, that was then extended to full-time. While I have appreciated the job (and, in many respects, I still do appreciate it) it is by no means what I want to do with my life.

I suppose, like many people, I do my job purely because I “have to” – I have to do something with my life at the moment and I need some means of financial income and, while the job may not be my ideal job, it is something in a time when it’s hard to come by anything. A part of me doubts that I’m the only one who thinks that and, from my experience working with others, many people view their job purely as a financial anchor. In a way, I can understand the mentality behind such thinking: it is important to have a stable financial income because, let’s face it, money is required in order to buy even the essentials of life: most food, water, medicine and clothes are not free (although some may believe that they should be free because they are “essential” to sustaining human life).

Saying that, however, I find it somewhat sad that many people (including myself, I’ll admit) do their jobs purely out of financial considerations. Are we really slaves to our jobs? Do we all grudgingly walk in to work five days a week thinking to ourselves, “Back to this hell-hole”? I understand that we all have our ups-and-downs; days when we feel on-top-of-the-world and days when we feel down-in-the-dumps but are we forever in a vicious cycle of viewing our jobs with disdain? I will fully admit that when I started my job, I was genuinely thrilled and excited about it. At the time, I had gone through quite a few weeks (if not months) of unemployment (the situation of many people) – looking back, I think my excitement was ultimately due to the fact that, simply, I could now say to others that I had a job (albeit a part-time one).

Now, about seven-months-later, resentment towards my job has very much set in (I must stress that I resent my job, not my co-workers; my co-workers are wonderful and a pleasure to work with). I honestly can’t help but think that my job is a dead-end job. Indeed, it strikes me as the type of job one could only do for a couple of months before moving on – there doesn’t seem to be anything more to the job than what there already is. Even-so, I am starting to have doubts about the longevity of my stay at the company. Perhaps every Temporary Worker (or “Temps”, as we are so-often called) has doubts of one sort or another over the security of their job (even if it’s just that: temporary). I’ve even tried to convince myself that my feelings of resentment are only mood-swings but, alas, I can’t bring myself to believe such a conclusion for the feelings towards my job remain constant.

I’m not trying to be smug, nor am I suggesting that I’m “too good” for the job, but I honestly can’t help but think that I am grossly over-qualified for my job. Even-so, academic qualifications aside, I think the job is too little of a challenge for me.

I will fully admit that I have strongly considered leaving my job. Indeed, I am considering leaving my job. I am very tempted to throw in the towel and walk out. So then, what’s making me hold on to my job? Firstly, the fact that I have to pay off my car and its insurance. Secondly, the fact that it’s hard in the current economic climate to find any sort of sustainable job and, thirdly, I don’t want to disappoint friends and family by giving up my job, despite my unhappiness with it (perhaps that’s an odd reason but it’s nevertheless one I have).

I honestly don’t know what to do at the moment. Quite frankly, I feel frustrated, unhappy and stuck. My enthusiasm and passion for my job is gone and while I have sincerely tried to be positive and to “look on the bright side”, I can’t bring myself to do so now.

I am hoping a resolution occurs soon…